Super Bowl Scorecard

02Feb12

Patriot PlayerEveryone in the Northeast, not to mention the entire nation, will be impacted by Sunday’s Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants. Everybody has a role to play, whether they realize it or not. You may not need a scorecard to identify the players, but you’ll need one to categorize everyone else. Let’s take a look at some the characters that you might encounter around 6:30 p.m. ET on Sunday.

Ticket-holders. This is the smallest group, encompassing just over 70,000 fans, dignitaries, celebrities and the well-heeled who will pack Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. Most of us will encounter this group only through our televisions.

Hardcore Football Fans. These individuals watch every televised game regardless of who is playing. They even watch pre-season games and the Pro Bowl. They may be season ticket holders or subscribe to the NFL Network. They can tell you the difference between a false start and encroachment.

Patriots Fans. They don’t watch every single NFL game, and thus have not had divorce proceedings filed against them (see “Hardcore Football Fans”). However, they never miss a Patriots’ game and can name the starting offensive and defensive lines. They know the difference between the neutral zone and the red zone.

Pop Culture Followers. They really don’t care much about the Super Bowl or football for that matter, but they appreciate that watching the game is part of the American pop culture experience. They know the difference between New England and New York.

Marsha and Greg BradyNon-fans who pretend to be fans during the game. They haven’t watched a football game since Super Bowl XLII, but they’ll still don their team gear on Sunday. They think that Greg Brady is one hell of a quarterback.

Half-time watchers. These folks are closely related to the pop culture followers. Half-time watchers tune in only to see the half-time show. They can tell the difference between Madonna and Lady Gaga.

Ad Watchers. With advertisers paying $3 million per 30 seconds to debut some of their most creative commercials during the Super Bowl, the Ad Watchers only tune in for the commercial entertainment. These viewers know the difference between E-Trade and Gatorade.

Super Bowl Fridge 2007Any-Excuse-for-a-Party People. They have zero interest in the game itself, but appreciate the opportunity it presents for a party. They don’t know the difference between Sam Huff and Sam Adams Beer, and by halftime they won’t care.

Above-It-All Snobs. They like to demonstrate their superiority over the masses by conspicuously refusing to show the slightest interest in the game. They might proclaim their intention to go see a movie in a deserted theater on Sunday night. These folks have never heard of Brandon Movie signSpikes but they’ve seen everything by Spike Lee.

Last but certainly not least, we have the Gamblers. The two highest profile Super Bowl bettors are New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Boston Mayor Thomas Menino. Never mind the fact that the Boston Patriots last played in 1970. (Apparently, the mayor of New England was unavailable.)

Each mayor has put up a tour of his city, including accommodations, dining, cultural and sports events. The tour package will be raffled off to a lucky winning family after the game. Only Boston and New York City residents will be eligible. (Sorry, residents of Foxboro, Mass and East Rutherford, New Jersey.)

My fearless Super Bowl prediction? As long as we all know our roles and stick to them, anything can happen.

[This column originally appeared in the February 2, 2012 Wakefield Daily Item.]

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Superbowl Fridge photo by Barry Arnson.
Brady Bunch photo by Diana Beideman.



2 Responses to “Super Bowl Scorecard”

  1. Funny how when the Patriots win their championships, they don’t parade down Route 1 in Foxboro, they do it in …. Boston! Without Boston, there is no team in Foxboro.


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