CLICHE DAY

20Apr07

Friday, November 3, 2006 is Cliché Day. I kid you not. Would I lie to you?

Now that I’ve let the cat out of the bag, please don’t shoot me. I’m just the messenger. It’s right here in black and white, in Chase’s 2006 Calendar of Events. “Use cliché’s as much as possible today,” advises Wellcat Herbs and Holidays, the sponsor of the observance.

Trust me, you’ll want to be prepared for Cliché Day, lest you get left out in the cold or caught with your pants down. Practice makes perfect, and once you get the hang of it, it’s easy as pie. So why not begin right now using clichés to your heart’s content?

I sense that many of you are not jumping at the chance to hop on the bandwagon. What’s the matter? Got cold feet?

By all means, it’s okay if you don’t swallow the idea hook line and sinker. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all. But please, at least meet me half way on this. You may not be an eager beaver now, but once you get in the swing of it, it’s like stealing candy from a baby.

On second thought, you may not want to rush into Cliché Day. One step at a time. You don’t want to bite off more than you can chew. Haste makes waste, after all. Still, I’d be willing to bet the farm that once you get started using clichés, it will be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Look at the big picture for once. The bottom line is, where there’s a will there’s a way. Still not on board? Believe me, I know that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. But come November 3, do you really want to be a day late and a dollar short? My advice is, get with the program now. The sooner, the better.

I don’t want to rain on your parade, so I’ll cut to the chase. You can’t learn to swim without getting in the water, so give it the old college try. A word to the wise—everybody’s going to be using clichés on November 3, so if you can’t beat them, you may as well join them. Am I banging my head against the wall here?

Frankly, your resistance to Cliché Day has caught me off guard. But that’s my cross to bear. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. Let me lay my cards on the table. I’m not going to jump down your throat if you don’t join in, but try to read between the lines. Your stubbornness is rubbing me the wrong way.

You may argue, “It’s early, why jump the gun?” Good point. I don’t mean to put the cart before the horse. But a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Do you want to wait until the last minute?

Wake up and smell the coffee. On November 3, you won’t want to get up on the wrong side of the bed. You had better figure out which side your bread is buttered on before November 3 or there will be hell to pay.

I can take a hint. There’s no point in spinning my wheels. I can see now that I never had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting you to buy into this. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. A leopard doesn’t change his spots, after all. Frankly, this has been like trying to seduce a eunuch. I guess I can’t get blood from a stone. But we’ll see who has the last laugh. Just remember: what goes around comes around.

If you’re not with the program already, I trust you’ll see the light before November 3. I’m not one to count my chickens before they’re hatched, but just so you know where you stand, I plan to leave no stone unturned in my effort to make you see the error of your ways.

And you can take that to the bank.

(This column originally appeared in The Wakefield Daily Item)

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